The #BeastFromTheEast arrived, and brought with it total fucking #Snowmageddon! The shops sold out of fucking bread, half the fucking country was "working from home", the World Book Day costumes you made your kids were a total waste of fucking time, and now you need to dig out the car using a fucking tea tray.
Why don't you get down the bloody shops and buy a proper fucking snow shovel*? Oh yeah… you can't get the fucking car out. (And anyway, they're all sold out).
Never fear! Come June, snow shovels will be plentiful, and Amazon will once again deliver them to your front door without you lifting a fucking finger. So, fill in this form, and come June we'll remind you to: